Social media companies, here are some free theme park ideas to comply with Florida’s deplatforming law


The Verge is deeply invested in doing service journalism; we report on companies’ misdeeds, we review expensive products to tell you whether they’re worth your hard-earned money, and speak to industry leaders to get their insights on the issues affecting their companies and their customers.
It is in that vein that we brainstormed some ideas for social media theme parks in Florida.
See, the Sunshine State passed a law this week that blocks social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter from “knowingly” deplatforming politicians and even algorithmically ranking content, with fine ranging from $25,000 to $250,000 per day (The law, which is a mish-mash of broad speech regulations, has already been challenged in court by the tech companies’ trade organizations, which called it “a frontal assault on the First Amendment.”)
But there’s an easier way. The law has a hilariously corrupt exemption for any company that owns or operates a theme park or large entertainment complex in the state of Florida. Republican state Rep. Blaise Ingoglia said that exemption was included so that the Disney Plus streaming service “isn’t caught up in this.” The Disney World park in Orlando brings in significant tax revenue for Florida, of course, a state which relies heavily on tourism dollars.
So all Twitter, Facebook, TikTok et al have to do to comply with the law and avoid the knotty First Amendment issue of government speech regulations is build their own Floridian theme parks.
Here are our suggestions for the parks including some ideas for appropriately themed rides that the venues might offer:
Twitterland
- Has a secret nightclub called Slides
- Sells drinks called Canoes
- The Ratio is a dunk tank where you get dropped into water for your bad takes
- Whac-A-Mole is instead Block-A-Troll
- A water-themed ride where you’re sailing along and random guys try to pull you into the water: Reply Guys, the ride
- Rollercoaster goes sideways
The only problem with Twitterland is that it keeps opening amazing rides and then letting them completely fall apart.
Facebook World
- All the rides suddenly pivot to video without warning
- A haunted house attraction called Facebook Moderation
- Instagram and WhatsApp once had separate parks, but they have been annexed into the main Facebook park and turned into shopping malls
- The water park has a slide into radicalism
- If you get detained by security, they put you in the Racist Uncle Time Out Room
- An Instagram hall of mirrors that features mirrors that give you an Insta-ready body with lighting made for photos and then leaves you feeling terrible when you come to the last mirror, which has heavy shadows for lighting and no body editing whatsoever
TikTokLand
- A hall of mirrors that shunts you through random rides with absolutely no information or warning, gradually tuning your experience using the sophisticated biometric monitor in your admission wristband
- Alternately, the whole park is just the set from the Weeknd’s Super Bowl halftime show where a Backyardigans song plays on a loop
Pinterest Park
It’s just a bunch of themed photo booths that produce those little photo strips, but you have to wait in line and read 200 words before you can ride the Recipe Rollercoaster.
The GooglePlusPlex
- A giant haunted house which closed eight years ago but high school kids still break into at night
- The entire park littered with discontinued Google products
Clubhouse Clubhouse
It’s just one big infinity room where you enter and hear men talking at you and over each other about Bitcoin.
Reddit Faire
A Renaissance fair that ended up sharing its property lease with a prison, thanks to an awkward misunderstanding in the C-suite. Many guests are incredibly devoted cosplayers in delightful historically accurate costumes. Many are petty criminals. A few are serial killers. Try to guess which ones!
YouTubeLand
- Has a ride where you appear to climb higher and higher forever, but then perilously fall to Earth after a botched apology
- To enter the park you have to smash the like button
- The Thumbnail Ride promises nonstop conflict but is really just a pretty chill afternoon
- Every ride is at least 10 minutes long so it can include a midroll break
- If you make a wrong turn at the bathrooms, you’ll occasionally run into an off-brand superhero ride that ends in a spike pit. No one knows who paid for or designed these rides, but children find them inexplicably compelling
- You can’t leave unless you ring a bell, and then you will be sent notifications reminding you to return to YouTubeLand for the rest of your life
- Really big and expensive and in many ways the gold standard for all the other parks, but no one appears to be in charge at all?
Snapchat Studios
- Rides disappear after you go on them once
- All the vending machines sell Spectacles, but no one buys them
- Unfortunately the park’s been kind of struggling because all its best rides get cloned by Facebook World within six months
- Temporarily closed because it accidentally opened another racist ride
The Verge is deeply invested in doing service journalism; we report on companies’ misdeeds, we review expensive products to tell you whether they’re worth your hard-earned money, and speak to industry leaders to get their insights on the issues affecting their companies and their customers. It is in that vein…
Recent Posts
- How Claude’s 3.7’s new ‘extended’ thinking compares to ChatGPT o1’s reasoning
- ‘We’re nowhere near done with Framework Laptop 16’ says Framework CEO
- Razer’s new Blade 18 offers Nvidia RTX 50-series GPUs and a dual mode display
- Samsung’s first Pro series Gen 5 PCIe SSD arrives in March
- I tried adding audio to videos in Dream Machine, and Sora’s silence sounds deafening in comparison
Archives
- February 2025
- January 2025
- December 2024
- November 2024
- October 2024
- September 2024
- August 2024
- July 2024
- June 2024
- May 2024
- April 2024
- March 2024
- February 2024
- January 2024
- December 2023
- November 2023
- October 2023
- September 2023
- August 2023
- July 2023
- June 2023
- May 2023
- April 2023
- March 2023
- February 2023
- January 2023
- December 2022
- November 2022
- October 2022
- September 2022
- August 2022
- July 2022
- June 2022
- May 2022
- April 2022
- March 2022
- February 2022
- January 2022
- December 2021
- November 2021
- October 2021
- September 2021
- August 2021
- July 2021
- June 2021
- May 2021
- April 2021
- March 2021
- February 2021
- January 2021
- December 2020
- November 2020
- October 2020
- September 2020
- August 2020
- July 2020
- June 2020
- May 2020
- April 2020
- March 2020
- February 2020
- January 2020
- December 2019
- November 2019
- September 2018
- October 2017
- December 2011
- August 2010